Moving to Prague – The Journey Begins
01 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in Family, God, Growing & Learning, Take Action, Thoughts, Work Tags: answering a calling, ex pats, expats, following God, over seas, Prague, TEFL, TESOL, traveling
Let me start at the beginning.
Life in Illinois was rough. No good jobs or job prospect. We’ve been searching for years. Was just denied foodstamps. Hated being on them, but the kids needed to eat. So, with savings in hand we decided to take the leap.
Our extended family was not happy (to say the least) at our decision. But, really, how long were we going to survive where we were? We were totally dependent on favors from others. That’s not a very stable way to live. Plus, let’s face it, 5 minutes outside of East St. Louis living in a meth infested trailer park with registered sex offenders living around the corner is not the ideal place to raise a family.
Most of you know that our calling has been and always will be to start the school and farm. The problem has always been a lack of resources. Maybe we will 
have better luck somewhere else? Who knows. But we have to keep trying. That’s the key. So we did a LOT of research. My husband got TEFL/TESOL (teaching English as a Foreign Language) certified. I only got half-way through the course before the ball started rolling. It was like dominoes falling. Looking back, I am still in awe of the whole thing. It was definitely the work of God. But anyway… next thing I know we are on the ship crossing the Atlantic.
It is hard to grow when everyone around you as at or below your own level
I don’t say that to be mean. It’s the truth. Everyone needs a teacher, a mentor, someone to show you the way up. The cruise was definitely interesting. We got to spend a lot of time with people who had VERY different lifestyles. One of our dinner partners is a Canadian farmer and rancher. It was funny how he described it. “Whatever the farm bureau says not to plant, that’s what I plant.” He does his farming based on the market. It’s a gamble, but it’s pretty fool proof as he always make at least average market price for what he plants. But usually much more. It isn’t the same kind of farming that Sweetie and I want to do, but at least he is rotating his crops because he rarely plants the same thing two years running. It was eye opening networking with such people. Hearing how they talk and watching how they treat others around them. It was very refreshing. They weren’t worried about money – they had plenty – but they were very conscious of how they spent their money and were always looking for a fair deal and comparing experiences and prices. Sure, we all do that. But the main difference was, they were more willing to invest and pay a good price for something if they decided it was worth it. These were not Wal-Mart shoppers looking for the cheapest deal.
The gift edition of Wayne Dyer’s “The Power of Intention” – book review
26 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in Book Review, Growing & Learning, Reviews Tags: books, co-create, Dyer, gifts, god, intention, reading, The Power of Intention, universe, Wayne Dyer
I was so excited when Hay House contacted me to do another book review. I love reading Wayne Dyer and did not realize he was publishing another book. Well imagine my disappointment when I opened up the packaged and realized it was a new edition of a book I had already read. Geez.
Funny how intention works in life.
Then I opened up the book and my eyes popped. This didn’t look anything like the book I had read. Color jumped from the page and I had to laugh at myself. Wasn’t I just talking to my friends about an article I had just read about e-books edging out real books. I was lamenting this sad fact to my friends. See, I love paper. I love ink. I love the smell of it. I love the feel of it. I love the look of it. I love holding it in my hands and running my fingers across the marks. (It’s one of the reasons I majored in print making).
Here I was telling my friends that real books were better than e-books. Here I was disappointed in receiving a book I had already read. But this book was a gift from the universe giving me what I had just asked for. A book that was more than a book. It was a sensory experience. The words were the same, the message was the same. But the experience was totally different. Like I said, I had to laugh at myself as I realized I was reading a book about intention because I intended to receive just such a book.
The Power of Intention is a powerful book already. It can change the way you look at the world. It can change the way you think about life. It can change the way you relate with other people. Of course, you have to be ready for that kind of change. And I think this book will come to you when you are ready for it. I don’t want to spend time in this review with weak and watered down summaries and paraphrases. The writing is clear and precise already. What more can be said. The basic premise is recognizing and applying the Seven Faces of Intention: creative, kind, love, beauty, expansive, abundant, receptive. Threaded in and out of these core principles are inspirations, stories, thoughts, ideas, and examples.
This book embodies the core principles. It is a beautiful, creative book. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. The only thing I can think of that would have made it better would be to have made it more tactile. Textured paper with a deckle edge, etched and engraved bumps and dips on the paper along with the color and art would have been WOW!
I’m going to date Mel Gibson
19 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Family, Growing & Learning, Thoughts, Work
You know, sometimes it seems really hard to live by your principles.
My husband and I both quit teaching and have since had great difficulty in finding gainful employment. We didn’t quit public school teaching on a whim. We quit because we believe it is wrong. I was once again confronted with the notion of returning to teaching. Well, I should say, I was told my husband needed to go back to teaching because it was “good money and he’s got children to support. He’s been given a gift and should use it.” Well, there are more ways to use the gift of teaching than going into school education.
Then the topic of conversation turned to Mel Gibson. I don’t follow this kind of news so don’t really know much about what is going on. But I was told that his girl friend (not his wife) is suing Mel for 18 million dollars. That’s a lot of cash. So I jokingly said that I should date Mel Gibson. They all looked at me in surprise. But why? It’s money, isn’t it. And I could use the money. Ha ha ha. “Would you really do that?” they asked. No, I wouldn’t do that because I don’t want to make money doing something that I think is wrong.
I don’t know if they got the connection to teaching and dating Mel Gibson just because there’s money in it. Think about it this way:
A man is a contract killer. I mean, he’s got skills. He’s the best in the trade. He makes good money to support his family. They live a comfortable life. But one day he says to his wife, “You know, I’ve been having doubts about being a contract killer. It isn’t what I thought it would be and I think it is wrong.” So they agree to change their life style and start living a life that is good and right. But he’s having a hard time finding work that will support his family. He’s got resumes out all over the place but the best he can do is flip burgers somewhere. Then his parents come to the man and tell him that he needs to do something about his life. He’s been given a gift and he should use it. He’s got a family to support. You need to get back into murdering people.
What!? That would never happen. And that is my point. No one with any ethics or morality would encourage you to do something wrong just because of the money – just because you need to feed your family. Maybe you think I’m being a bit drastic. Assassination is comparable to the school system! Preposterous. But in my view it is. One kills the body, the other kills the spirit, inspiration, creativity, and free-thinking ability of children. Now why on earth would I support that!
Yes, we have been given the gift of teaching. But you know what… we still use that gift everyday, just not in a professional school teacher capacity.
And that brings me to something else. (I haven’t had a lot of time to write lately, but I’ve had a lot going on inside my head.)
Most ordinary people won’t take paradise even if it is offered to them on a silver plate.
My husband and I feel we have a calling to start this farm. Yes, it is something we feel we MUST do. And we’ve been sharing this idea with a lot of people. Most of them think we’re crazy. (and talking about gifts, we would be able to use ALL our gifts on this farm).
I was telling my husband the other day that maybe the reason we don’t have the farm yet, is because we haven’t given enough people the opportunity to join us. If we are given free will, but have no opportunity to make a choice then what good is free will? So we’ve been sharing our dream with people.
Freewill isn’t genuine if there are no choices.
We offered my parents an instant retirement with a life of fishing and quilting or whatever they wanted to do. Free food for the rest of their lives and the opportunity to get out of their high property tax home and instead spend every day with their only grandkids. They wouldn’t have to worry about anything. But they wouldn’t take it. I’m getting ready to retire in five years. If you save and invest maybe then you’ll be able to buy a home. (I don’t even want to get into economics and the state of the economy, inflation, and depletion of the dollar. They got their home because my brother died and they inherited the life insurance).
Then there’s a friend of ours, who loves the idea. Wants to be a part of it. Gets really excited whenever we talk about it. But won’t put in any effort to help it get started. “I know someone who lives on some farm land but doesn’t know what to do with it.” Crickey! Why don’t you introduce us and see if we can work something out! But he’s too wrapped up in his life to bother with the farm.
Then our old neighbors. They were all set to join us, but he got an opportunity to go back to school. Well, I can’t pooh pooh that. It’s a really good opportunity and he should take it. Maybe they’ll join us later when he’s all done. But at least they had the opportunity to make a choice.
Then my husband got to chat with an old friend of his from the RPR days. He’s all the way out in Philly, but now he’s got the opportunity to choose.
I’m not sure if this days writings are very coherent. I probably shouldn’t wait so long to get thoughts down in print. But one thing I do know is this: I don’t want to make money by doing something I think is wrong. AND (well, I guess it’s two things) Freewill isn’t genuine if there are no choices.
The Problem with Unconditional Love
30 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in Family, Growing & Learning, Health, Marriage, Thoughts Tags: child abuse, Family, forgiveness, gifts, healing, Health, husband, incest, life, Marriage, memory, recovery, relationships, sexual abuse, thankful, thanks giving, wife
Let me start off by saying, while it is extremely hard for us victims of sexual abuse to start the healing process and work our way to emotional, sexual, and personal healing and peace, it is equally hard for our spouses to watch us while we struggle and wrestle with our demons. Often they are forced to bear the brunt of our emotional lashings and are left to try to pick us up when we falter or fall.
A love letter to my husband
I thank God everyday for my husband who loves me so much that he withstands these bashings and bruisings. They are not very frequent anymore. But when they do occur, they can be quite a terror. The problem is, that when I am in the midst of a trigger I forget everything. I forget that he loves me with all of his heart. I forget that I deserve that kind of wholesome and good love. I forget that I am worth loving. I forget it sooooo much, that I often blame him for whatever ridiculous situation happens to be the catalyst for the lapse.
And to make matters worse I often begin to push him while I continue to react to the fear and panic. I am learning that this is part of an adrenaline overload which is not a good thing for us women. Getting stuck in a fight or flight reaction (triggered by conflict or sensitivity) causes the adrenaline to flow which continues the path of stress, heartache, and hurt.
It is not until after much heartache and hurt that I realize what has happened. I manage to stop the excess adrenaline flow, begin to pump up my oxytocin levels and come back to my senses. By this time I have done so much lashing, weeping, and wailing that it takes time for both of us to recover. And this brings me to the point of my title.
The problem is not in giving unconditional love. My husband gives it freely to me. And I know this. Deep in the core of my being I know this. But when I am lost is a whirlwind of reaction and triggers I cannot see this. I cannot even see who I am anymore. I am a raw blob of emotion and my body reacts by preparing to fight or flee.
See, I know that my husband loves me. But at the point where I am lost to despair I do not believe I deserve that kind of love. I lash out to protect myself. And so I reject the love that is freely given – perpetuating the cycle of destruction.
I am learning though. Like I said, these occurrences do not happen as often anymore. And I am learning new tools and things that help me everyday get closer to freedom from this awful demon. Thank God for these valuable resources that help me heal and for my wonderful husband who is always there for me with his loving heart.
Suffering or Happiness – It’s your choice
20 Apr 2010 Leave a Comment
in Growing & Learning, Take Action, Thoughts Tags: affirmations, EFT, Family, forgiveness, gifts, healing, life, recovery, thankful, thanks giving
There are a lot of us suffering right now. We hate our jobs, disappointed with our lives, disappointed in our spouses… whatever, the list is endless. I hear people complaining constantly “I get no respect”, “I can’t get no satisfaction”, “I NEED a drink”, “I’m tired of life handing me lemons, I guess I’ll try to make some lemonade out of it, hope it doesn’t taste too sour.” Oh goodness. And I’m not saying this to belittle anyone’s suffering. Believe me, I can totally relate.
Why can’t I just be happy?
But there is something that I’ve learned over time. Happiness is a choice. I’m not talking about rose colored glasses or calling pig swill fine wine. What I am talking about is being joyful in and thankful for whatever it is you are doing, wherever it is that you are.
Am I crazy? Is this ridiculously out-there? Let me give you an example. We just had a death in the family. It was a very sad affair. And my young kids (being kids) were totally obsessed with talking about death. What would happen if mom or dad died. Oh, how sad that would be. It would be horrible! Yes. Don’t ever die.
Well, that’s impossible. Death is a part of life. It’s going to happen. And it’s not a bad thing to die. It’s the beginning of the next journey. What makes a death so sad is in how we feel at that moment. We miss that person. They are no longer there to laugh with and share with. It is okay to miss them. But we can also be thankful for the time that we got to share, thankful for the love and support that has gathered around us, and joyful for the new journey of the deceased.
Sometimes remembering this can be hard (especially in something as dramatic as a death). But if we take the time in our lives to remember thankfulness and joy, finding happiness in times of struggle becomes easier.
I watched this video today from Finer Minds. I love how he calls this “Blissipline” – the discipline of staying happy.
My friend was telling me today that she has a hard time feeling good about herself when everyone is constantly telling her she’s worthless. It is hard to remember our worth when we are under constant barrage of negativity. But it is important to remember people treat us exactly:
- as we believe we deserve to be treated
- the way we teach them to treat us.
I’ve had enough of this!
How do we change this? This is self-inflicted suffering at it’s finest. And it will not change until we are ready, or as Eckhart Tolle states in the following video, “until you are completely fed up with suffering.”
Your life doesn’t have to be peaches and roses for you to be happy and for you to love yourself. Life is a work in progress, and each day can be better and better. When I’m starting to feel down or discouraged, whenever I’m starting to feel negative pressure from someone or something, I look in the mirror and tell myself, “Even though things are a little rough right now, that’s okay. I’m beautiful and wonderful. I love myself just the way that I am right now and I know that my life will continue to get better and better everyday.”
I don’t deny the suffering and the struggle. I’m not pretending everything is honkey dorey. I acknowledge the suffering and then move on. Because it’s my choice.
Moving from lack to abundance without the waste
07 Apr 2010 1 Comment
in God, Growing & Learning, Thoughts Tags: abundance, children, Family, gifts, god, healing, lack, law of attraction, money tree, scarcity thinking, waste not want not
A precious gift goes in the trash
My daughter Nico is excited about learning how to sew. She got a sewing basket for Christmas full of crochet and yarn needles, sewing scissors, and plenty of yarn. She has been crocheting for several months now and her single crochet stitch is absolutely beautiful. But she’s ready to move on to new things. She’s been wanting to make a pillow, but still hasn’t used regular thread and needle yet and has never watched me (or anyone else) use stuffing (she calls it fluff).
So I bought a bag of fluff and some regular sewing needs and thought we’d make some things together. I explained to her that I would show her how to use them since she had never done this before. But she couldn’t wait. I woke up one morning and found her upstairs using her yarn needle and yarn to stitch up some fabric and the fluff spread all over the floor. The cat and the little ones had been rolling around in it and the bag was totally destroyed so it could not be reused.
I scraped up the fluff from the carpet and threw it all in the trash. She was upset at her hard work getting tossed and I was angry at the waste.
How we first learn about lack
Once I had calmed down, I reevaluated the situation. I was trying to teach my daughter about wasting our precious resources. But then I realized that I would be encouraging lack mentality and scarcity thinking. This was how I realized that I had learned about lack. There is never enough. I can’t get enough. I don’t have enough. It was how I grew up (and probably you too). I remember hearing my mom fussing at me about wasting water… wasting electricity… wasting food… money doesn’t grow on trees. My husband even tells a (now) humorous story about him, his brother, and his dad coming home from a boyscout raffle with a small bag of potatoes and a bag of marshmallows – they had spent $5 for it. His mom, in a fit of rage, stomps on the marshmallow bag squashing them flat. And then he goes on to say how they had flat marshmallows in their hot cocoa for weeks because she had refused to throw it away. We all have stories like this. Maybe not as thrilling! But we all learned about lack and scarcity by living it.
I did not want this for her. I wanted her to understand that life is abundant and full. But I also didn’t want to have to throw away broken or destroyed things because they had been misused. What to do. It seemed like an insurmountable paradox. How can our supply be infinite but at the same time lost and wasted?
Abundance is a GIFT that we can honor or reject
Then it hit me… abundance is a gift. All that we have is a gift. Life is a gift from God. Fresh air, sunshine and rain. Fresh produce, love, family, and opportunity. God give us abundantly. You can also look at is as a human exchange. I work to earn money, and I use that money to buy or pay for things. That takes my time and energy. When I work to pay for the water bill, and the water is poured down the drain unused, it is like taking my time and energy and throwing it away and so rejecting my gift (of time and energy).
So I asked Nico, “If you gave me a chocolate bunny (can you tell we just celebrated Easter?) what would you expect me to do?” Eat it, share it and enjoy it. “What if I took that bunny and threw it out the window, then drove over it with the car? How would that make you feel?” Very bad. “Would you want to give me another chocolate bunny?” No way, you’d just run over it with the car again!
Waste not, want not
So, its not that there isn’t enough chocolate bunnies in the world (or fluff, or money, or food, or love, or opportunity). It is that we so readily reject these gifts. Then the gifts start coming to us less and less and sometimes even stopping all together. When we are ready to honor our gifts and use them with love and respect, then we will start receiving the abundant gifts that God has for us.
Everybody can have a brainless moment at some point
17 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Family, Growing & Learning, Just 4 Fun, Marriage, Thoughts Tags: affirmations, census, Family, husband, life, mail, Marriage, relationships, talent, thanks giving, wife
Yes, I am recovering from a brainless moment myself. Now that I’ve stopped laughing uncontrollably and the tears of mirth are finally drying off I better relate this incredibly silly moment.
I finished filling out the Census info a couple of days ago and set it aside to share with my husband. Well, today, without thinking, I seal the envelope and get ready to have one of the kids run it to the post office. My husband spies the letter and stops us. You guessed it, I had totally forgotten to show it to him.
But never fear! I can reopen the letter and then seal it back up. No problem! I’m getting ready to iron on some patches for little squirrel’s vest. So I grab my trusty iron, whip out my handy table top ironing board and get ready to perform some minor surgery on the envelope. Steams all good and hot and I carefully pry open the letter with my dear hubby standing over my shoulder. He quickly peruses the information, nods his head and stuffs it back into the envelope.
This is where calamity ensues. I relick the envelope and press it shut. And in my (self-assessed) brilliance smash the iron firmly against the envelope in a heroic attempt to reseal the envelope. I hear my husband screaming behind me, “What are you doing!” I scathingly look over my shoulder with a “I know exactly what I’m doing” gleam in my eye.
Then I turn back to my task and HORRORS! I had totally forgotten about that stupid plastic window which has now melted irreparably onto my precious iron.
Well, after a cool down and some scrubbing the iron is fine. The patches are attached to the vest, the envelope is sealed but the plastic window is gone forever. And I’m finally done laughing my butt off at this ridiculous idea. But I’ll probably be giggling a little bit all day about it.
Even when I make a mistake, I can still be brilliantly intelligent.
Why are so many young actors dying?
11 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Big Brother, Health, Thoughts Tags: addiction, and FDA, autism, Big Pharma, brittany murphy, children, corey haim, healing, Health, heath ledger, n1h1, pregnant, toddler, vaccinations
Yes, Corey Haim is in the news right now as dying at the beginning of his big comeback. This just shortly after the death of Brittany Murphy and Heath Ledger and many others. I’m not a big fan of celebrity watching, but the news leaks out in all different kinds of venues, from the neighborhood fence to Face Book. While any unexpected death is tragic, it is the rich and famous that make it on the news.
One thing I have noticed is the increasing number of deaths of young people suffering “flu like symptoms” and taking prescription or over the counter cold medicine. Has anyone else noticed this? I am not talking about abusing the medication or prescription addicts. What we are seeing is an increasing number of follow-the-label medication users dying from the drugs.
Why do we continue to trust in the pharmaceutical industry to provide us with safe drugs. Repeatedly, this mammoth industry has been caught in fudging their research, threatening doctors, paying out settlement money, and pushing through drugs all for the sake of profit.
The following videos are from the New York State Assembly hearing. Gary Null is addressing the assembly about this past winters N1H1 vaccination REQUIREMENT of all New York’s public workers. While the flu vaccine is somewhat old news, Gary Null covers important aspects of the entire pharmaceutical industry.
You can catch him spilling the beans about:
- Pregnant women who developed a fever of 103+ degrees within 3 days of receiving the vaccination were discounted from the research.
- Of all the scientists researching the link between autism and vaccinations, only the ones with ties to the vaccine producers claimed there was no connection.
- Multiple examples of false science and invalidated or partisan research.
Yes, modern American medicine has done some amazing things and saves many lives in critical emergency situations. But modern American medicine also kills so many people with unnecessary and harmful medications and procedures that only mask symptoms.
From Ambition to Meaning
02 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Book Review, Growing & Learning, Reviews, Thoughts Tags: ambition, books, gifts, god, healing, meaning, shift, thankful, The Shift, Wayne Dyer
Wayne Dyer’s The Shift highlights the path to living a life with meaning
We live in a world where ambition is king. Success, money, power… we want it all so that we can be king of the hill. We thrill in being the first, the fastest, the best at anything… even racing recklessly down the street so we can be first in line at the red stop light. We hear success stories from all over the planet of bigwigs and mega corps cashing in, often at the expense of the little guy. We watch in awe as some mighty giant comes in and takes what we want, and we want a piece of that action. We all have become a part of the rat race only to wake up one day unhappy and frustrated wondering how we got in that ugly dead end race in the first place.
I am noticing a change in the world’s thinking. Recently more and more books on the topic of purpose and meaning are being written, published, read, and shared. It’s an amazing phenomenon. We are all so thirsty we lap up these ideas and insights like we’ve been stranded in a desert our whole life. And we are starving. We are all looking for that missing link that gives our life meaning.
The problems comes with how do we define meaning? What does “a life of meaning” really mean? With everyone talking about meaning and purpose, is the concept starting to get lost in the discussion? Seeming conflicts rage between Christian values and new age concepts. Mistrust and fear sometimes result when two very different people come together and try to discuss purpose and meaning. Vague ideas and half formulated arguments leave many of us even more frustrated and confused. It feels like there is some grand glorious prize just out of reach.
The genius of Wayne Dyer, is that he’s able to communicate in such a normal, everyday casual way that anyone can understand. There are no flowery nonsensical thoughts; no esoteric concepts that must first be understood; no floating feel-good wishes that seem out of reach to all of us living in the “real” world. He is able to bridge the gap between multiple lifestyles and cultures with simple, straightforward, and insightful writing.
The Shift is brilliantly broken into concise chapters: From – Ambition – To – Meaning. While it seems that we are traveling a straight path, it is, in reality, a circle. Reaching “meaning” simply means that we have returned to our beginning state, or “from”.
Essentially, we all come from God. There is no confusion, no striving. We just are. He describes our formation in the womb as “allow[ing] ourselves to unfold in the perfect design that was inherent in both our nonbeing and our beingness…. That little speck that we were didn’t know anything about accumulating, achieving, or having ambition. It simply was being, allowing itself to surrender to the invisible force that administers everything.”
Then ego sets in and we begin to get distracted with superficial aspirations like wealth, power, success, money. We come from authenticity and begin to base our self-identity on “stuff”. We give ourselves labels… I am a mom, a husband, a student, an alcoholic, a doctor, an emotional eater (and so on…) “The problem that comes with this mind-set of evaluating ourselves on the basis of what we’ve acquired is this: If we are what we have, then when we don’t have, we aren’t!” I love how Dyer describes ego as Edging Out God. So simple and straight to the point. When we travel the road of ambition, God is not the focus, the center, of our life and we are filled with lack and want. “All of my life I wanted to be somebody. Now I finally am somebody–but it isn’t me.”
Then the moment hits us when we realize that our striving and climbing has not and will never fulfill us. And so we begin moving back to God. We have now reached our “to”, our gestalt moment. This is the Shift – the change in direction, the beginning of the transition back to God and our natural state. Dyer describes this as a U-turn. “It doesn’t matter how long we’ve allowed ourselves to travel the road of our false self. We know when it isn’t leading us to a sense of purpose and significance, and we can admit we’re on the wrong path. The awareness that our life lacks Meaning is more than enough evidence that it’s time to make a U-turn.”
So what is a life of meaning? It is what every religion on the planet preaches. It is what always makes us feel good and right and natural. It is a life of service and love. “To be able to enter a life of Spirit and purpose, we have to give our life away. This is a concept that ego will ridicule, even working overtime to convince us that it will have disastrous consequences.”
“Life is not meaningful… unless it is serving an end beyond itself; unless it is of value to someone else.” ~Abraham Joshua Heschel
Wayne Dyer’s latest book, The Shift, is scheduled for release starting today, March 2, 2010. Many thanks to Hay House for sending me a copy to review. Pick up your copy today. It’s full of many “ah ha!” thoughts.
You Said It