Easter

Hope everyone had a good Easter weekend.  I worked most of the weekend.  Gotta love a crappy job and what it does to your family life.  But every Easter and Christmas I always wonder, should we be celebrating those holidays every day of our lives?  Family, friends, and total strangers will ask me if we will be attending Sunrise Service and other such “church” based questions.  Since we started associating with an organic church, these types of thoughts run through my head more frequently.

I recently read Pagan Christianity that really gets into this concept.  I’m going to have to write an article on it when I get my notes together.  So keep watching out for that one.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts.  What do you think?

It’s Really Very Simple

I am learning that life is really very simple.  People make things complicated with all our talk about grey areas and white lies and waffling.  But think about it.

Do you believe in God?  It’s really only yes or no.

Do you believe in freedom for everybody?  Again, you either do, or you don’t.

Do you love me?  There’s no middle ground here.  I’m a total package.

That’s really all there is to it.  If you believe in God, you will live your life accordingly.  Not because you have to; not because someone is forcing you.  But because it is what you do.  If you believe in freedom for everybody, then you will act as you believe.  You will accept that people may do things you wouldn’t do, but realize that it is their choice - that people should be allowed to live their own life their own way so long as their actions do not take away from another’s choice.  If you love me, you will love me as I am, warts and all.  I love my husband.  100%.  Even though I don’t necessarily like some of the choices he is making, I still love all of him.  Same goes for my kids and friends.  That’s what love is.

For a long time now, my husband and I have been struggling with the whole “what do I want to be when I grow up” question.  The quest to find this answer has taken us many strange and interesting places.  We have a lot of ideas, and a lot of passions.  Our latest question has been HOW?  How do we accomplish this?  And I have finally come to the realization that we are trying too hard.  It’s not supposed to be this hard.  So, now, I am on the quest to just do it.  Quit overthinking everything (or as my husband phrases it - nuking it out).

Amazing - A Week of Healing and Inspiration

I have had the most amazing week! It started out with my throwing my husband out of the house. And then an epiphany! So, since I didn’t really want to end my marriage and I knew I needed some help (this was not the first time I have kicked him out of the house), I had my dear Honey take me to a lady (Verna) I found in Columbia that does EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique).

It was a very amazing experience. I was sexually abused by my father as a child. I thought I had overcome that issue. After all, I knew that it wasn’t my fault, I understood all of the psychological babble logically. But it became clear to me that I was not fully healed - otherwise why would I continually start screaming divorce whenever my husband and I would have an argument. This was what EFT did… total and complete healing. I can’t even describe it. It’s a bizarre process and I’m sure I looked weird doing it. But it worked. I haven’t forgotten what happened. But I no longer have that gut wrenching rage, anger, guilt, shame, loss, etc., build up inside me when I think on it. Now it is just something that has happened in the past. It has become a total non-issue. And that argument with my husband? I was able to discover exactly why I was so furious. I was able to communicate with him what I really needed instead of spiraling out of control because something he did triggered those pent up emotions.

Afterwards I felt so free - like I could do anything. I was laughing and joking. I’m sure my husband thought I had finally lost it. But it was that peace, that final act of forgiveness that had power at that moment. Nothing else mattered.

I hope to be able to work with Verna again. She does a lot of work with women and children. That relationship will continue to grow because I really believe we were destined to meet. Not just to help me heal, but because we have similar passions and may need to join our efforts. We shall see how that plays out.

Then I read the most amazing book about children and education. The Call to Brilliance by Resa Steindel Brown. I wrote a review for it and posted it on my other blog. My children can succeed. I can succeed. All children can succeed. Please, Digg my review here. Another amazing and inspiring moment in this short week!

Everyone needs a week like this! I feel like my spirit is on fire, like I am ready to go out and conquer the world. I have more focus and more passion right now than I have felt in my whole life.

Book Frenzy

I don’t know what has come over me. I keep borrowing all these books from the library. Now I have a pile of books to read and very little time. These are heavy duty books too, not light and fluffy fiction. I’m talking about deep, thoughtful, I’m-working-on-changing-my-life type books. Yeah. My head hurts a bit and my eyes are sore. And yet I keep reading.

To give you an idea of what I have gotten myself into, here is a brief list:

• Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola and George Barna
• Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
• Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs To Know by John C. Maxwell
• The Organized Homeschooler by Vicki Caruana
• Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write, or Add by Charles J. Sykes
• The Passion Test by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood

I’ll write about some of them, but right now I’m too tired. I’ll probably just go to bed (and read for a bit).

Would You Forget Your Head If It Wasn’t Attached?

Oh my goodness! We forgot the diaper bag - again. Now, you’d think after having four kids this would be second nature. But nooooooo. Here we are driving around looking for this music store (Pork Chop needs some cork repair on his clarinet) when we realize that we didn’t bring the bag. Horror! What if someone poops! Gross. And with two in diapers, that’s a very likely scenario. Luckily, it all worked out fine. And we bought a stash to just keep in the van so this doesn’t keep happening. It made me feel like a rookie parent again.

I remember with my first one, I had dropped him off with my mother. I was nursing at the time so I kept forgetting to pack bottles. This particular day, I was so proud of myself because I KNEW I packed those darn things. I finally remembered. Only to pick him up later and discover that I had forgotten to pack the nipples. Yikes! She had tried to feed him and milk just poured out of the bottle. He was not happy. And neither was my mom.

I don’t have a bad memory. Really. It is just that sometimes I have way to much to remember. When I was a single mom, my apartment was covered with little sticky notes in strategic places, reminding me of important things that needed to be done. There was one time, in my haste to get to class I forgot to drop Pork Chop off at the babysitter. There I am tearing down the road when I hear a giggle. I look up in the rear-view mirror and there he is! Sitting in his car seat laughing at me! Groan. I had to turn around.

And he still laughs at me when I forget. I went through a bout of forgetting my cell phone all the time. I even tried the post it note trick. It didn’t work this time. Figures. I’d get all the way out to the van and have to come back in the house. And every time, there’s Pork Chop, “Did you forget your phone again, Mom?” Har har.

I have all kinds of strategies to help me remember. The sticky note works most of the time. There’s also the family calendar in the kitchen. Then I have a personal planner. I also send emails to myself and post things on my home page. I leave notes on the kitchen table. Usually, everything works out as planned. But sometimes I really come across a block (like the cell phone and the bottle). Then the trick is to try to find the trigger so that I can use it to help me remember.

I only forget the silly things. I’ve never forgotten to pick the kids up (just drop them off - do you think it could be subconsciously not wanting to leave them?) I’ve never forgotten to feed them, or bathe them, or dress them. I’ve never forgotten to give them love and attention. I’ve never forgotten to keep them healthy and safe.  I remember how to use knives and scissors.  I remember how to cook and clean.  I remember how to sew and repair clothes.

See! I’m brilliant.

I think I can remember to do that!

It Was a Revelation to Me

I have spent the last 8 years of my life totally devoted to my husband and children. Which is a good thing. The problem comes when I try to live their life for them. Especially Honey. Come on, Kat! He’s a grown man. He can make his own choices. I so want him to be happy and fulfilled that I stress when I think he is “not doing what he should”. This came to a head last night. I couldn’t sleep. I just lay in bed thinking, “He should do this.” and “He should do that.” and “Why doesn’t he do this?” It was crazy. I was fretting and fussing. Then it hit me. It seems so obvious now, but I’ve spent countless hours of my life worrying and even sometimes nagging. I need to let him live his own life. I need to live my life. Yes, our lives our intertwined and one decision can affect another’s life. Yes, I want him to succeed; I want him to be satisfied with his life. But ultimately, he has his own choices to make and his own consequences to face - as do I. So I finally calmed myself down. Live your own life, Kat; don’t try to live his. Live your own life, Kat. What a relief. I finally went to sleep. Then the baby started crying.