Are you a sexy mom?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I tend to say, err…  scream, “Oh God!” during intimate times with my honey.  It’s hard to explain what is going on inside my head during those moments because I’m…  well…  I’m enjoying the moment.  One day he asked me about my enthusiastic outburst and I had to stop and try to put a whole cosmos of feeling into mere words.  But to put it simply, it’s like a little prayer to God inside me that is bursting to come out.  It’s like saying, “Thank you God for this opportunity to be the woman you made me with the man that you gave me.”

On the verge of a gestalt moment…

This has been bothering me for some time. For three years I have been on a journey of self-transformation. I find myself rediscovering God and myself and my place with Him. Hours and hours of prayer, meditation, reading, and learning and I am still a little stumped. Here’s the deal. I am so immersed in the lives of my family – my children and my husband – that I am struggling to separate my successes and failures from theirs. I think it is one of my life’s lessons. When I see one of them struggling, I think it is my responsibility to “fix it”. Sometimes it is because they are struggling with the very same issues that I struggle with. And they are all so very near and dear to me that I want only the best for them. But I am only me. And I can only fix myself, so to speak. But I also take my responsibility as a mother and wife very seriously.

I know I am getting closer to this great moment of self-discovery because I have started to catch myself doing this. I used to sit in judgment. Well, that of course caused a whole host of problems. But I am starting to see what the real problem is. I will keep praying and meditating on this.

It Was a Revelation to Me

I have spent the last 8 years of my life totally devoted to my husband and children. Which is a good thing. The problem comes when I try to live their life for them. Especially Honey. Come on, Kat! He’s a grown man. He can make his own choices. I so want him to be happy and fulfilled that I stress when I think he is “not doing what he should”. This came to a head last night. I couldn’t sleep. I just lay in bed thinking, “He should do this.” and “He should do that.” and “Why doesn’t he do this?” It was crazy. I was fretting and fussing. Then it hit me. It seems so obvious now, but I’ve spent countless hours of my life worrying and even sometimes nagging. I need to let him live his own life. I need to live my life. Yes, our lives our intertwined and one decision can affect another’s life. Yes, I want him to succeed; I want him to be satisfied with his life. But ultimately, he has his own choices to make and his own consequences to face – as do I. So I finally calmed myself down. Live your own life, Kat; don’t try to live his. Live your own life, Kat. What a relief. I finally went to sleep. Then the baby started crying.