Action or Assessment?

I am not sure what to do.  I am a recovering victim of incest.  Yes, it’s ugly, but it’s a fact.  While I have finally learned to forgive my father…  there are still a lot of conflicts within my life that are a direct result of this sad and ugly past.  One of these conflicts is the near estrangement of my relationship with my mother.  It all started with Pork Chop stuffing himself with 3 pounds of chocolate in a matter of mere seconds (he doesn’t like chocolate) and my father following Pumpkin around calling her by my old pet name.  Yeah…  I freaked.  And I called my mother the next day and told her that my father was not allowed near my children any more.  She kept telling me that I needed to forgive him.  Forgiveness does NOT mean blindly trusting that my father is not a predator and will not take advantage of my children.  I stood firm with my mother.  I offered her the opportunity to come over whenever she wanted without my father.  I offered to meet her with the kids at a half-way point so she wouldn’t have to drive all the way to my home.  Nothing doing.  In fact, she still calls up asking if we will bring our family to spend time in some function with her and dad.  It’s depressing and frustrating because I love my mother, but I refuse to expose my children to my father.  The last time we saw them was Christmas.  Mom and Dad showed up laden with presents and spent an uncomfortable hour perched in my living room while the kids opened their gifts.  Big expensive gifts.  I got a digital camera and Pork Chop got a PSP.  Bribery?  Maybe.  I felt so awkward, I didn’t even open up the package to the camera for weeks.  I knew it was stupid.  I knew I was putting it off because of my own feelings of guilt and trauma.  Needless to say.  I have finally started to use the camera, but nowhere near to the extent of my capabilities.  I mean, I have a degree in photography!  I am used to walking around with a camera taking pictures of everything.

Yes.  I am slowly healing and recovering.  My relationship with my husband and children are blossoming now that I have forgiven myself and my father.  But I still have issues.

A couple of days ago, I woke up in a cold sweat.  I was totally panicked.  I had a dream of my father taking advantage of myself and other little girls at the school where he works.  (Yes, I know I’m a grown woman now, but this is a dream.)  My father is the custodian at an elementary school.  (5th-6th graders).  You heard me right.  He works near children.  Now, I had always thought that his affliction was targeted only to family members (his sister, myself, my children).  But what if this is wrong.  Is this a call to action?  Do I need to contact the school and spill my ugly history to a small town elementary school where everybody knows everybody?  Or is this my psyche still working on self healing?  Is this dream just a sign that I still have some issues to resolve?